怒る＝嫌い⁉「あなたのために言ってるのよ」は、ほぼ伝わってません
次女のきょうちゃんは、怒られることが大嫌いです。
怒ってなくても、ちょっと強い口調や、イライラが伝わるだけで、いじけます。
自分のことを怒る＝嫌いこう認識するようです。
3年前のことですが、こんなことがありました。
夕飯の時、テーブルの上がおもちゃや、お菓子の袋などで散らかっていました。
きょうちゃんのものも、たくさん置いてありました。
パパが 「きょうちゃん、片づけて！」
ちょっと強めの口調で言いました。
すると、あっという間に涙目に（汗）
私がどうしたの？と聞くと、
きょうちゃん 「パパに怒られたくないの」
大好きな人に怒られて、悲しくて泣いたようです。
私 「パパは怒ってないし、きょうちゃんのこと大好きなんだよ。お片付けして欲しかったんだよ。」
この日はこんなやりとりが、3回ほどあり、夜は何度も泣きました。
寝る前に、きょうちゃんは、何やら手紙を書いて、私に見せてくれました。
「ぱぱへ もうおこらないでね×」
最後の顔は、ムンクの叫びみたい。
この手紙を一緒にパパに手渡しました。
パパ 「怒ってないよ。きょうちゃんのこと、愛してるよ」
ハグして仲直りしました。
怒る＝嫌い人はこう認識しやすいです。
誰でも怒られるのは嫌ですよね。
そして伝わるのは言葉よりも非言語である雰囲気なんです。
言葉を優しくしても、心がイライラしていたり、怒りが爆発寸前だったとしたら、その雰囲気が相手に伝わってしまうのです。
でも、伝える側になってみると、嫌いだから怒るのではなく、相手のためを思って言うことが大半なのではないでようか。
『あなたのために言ってるのよ』これは残念ながら、ほぼ伝わってません。
『怒られた。怖い。』という印象のみが残ってしまうのです。
大切なのは人格を否定するのではなく、していることにフォーカスして伝えることです。
そしてどんなことがあっても、大好きなんだと伝える。
そうすることで、良好な関係のまま、相手の気づきも促せるのかなと思います。
どんなときも相手との良好な関係を第一に関わっていきたいですね。
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